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Pregnancy and your sex life

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Pregnancy and your sex life

Post by AlleyRose on Tue Jun 03, 2014 10:02 pm

I was out at dinner with workmates the other night when someone asked across the dinner table how pregnancy was affecting my sex life.
Cue awkward silence.
But nothing's off limits when you're at a table full of journalists, and I appreciate that for the naturally curious amongst us, it was a fair and reasonable question to ponder.
I took a moment to think how it had changed in the past few months.
My first thought was to the first time we were intimate after we found out we had created this little miracle.
I remember feeling extremely apprehensive about hurting the little cluster of cells, and with the risk of miscarriage so high, I was concerned about dislodging it from its new little home.
It seems ridiculous looking back on it, but I know it is a common feeling for many couples.
The little sesame seed just felt so precious and vulnerable, so I, in turn, felt vulnerable too.
I did my best to switch that part of my brain off but it didn't really work. I think I even apologised afterwards for my lacklustre effort; my mind just wasn't in the game!
During the first 13 weeks, the main thing that affected our love life was my ability to keep my eyes open, and not in a sultry come-to-bed-with-me kind of way ... more like a passed-out-on-the-couch-at-5.30pm-while drooling-on-myself kind of way.
This was no reflection on my husband whatsoever, but the mix of extreme fatigue and nausea does not make for a romantic start to things.
I became increasingly conscious that the frequency was dipping from our 'usual' (I like think we have a pretty healthy and regular love life), so it was a matter of communicating and ensuring we were both understanding of the situation.
Once I started to feel 'normal' again after 13 weeks, things picked up and I started to feel much more like myself again.
But then I started to show. Suddenly, we weren't alone anymore.
Eeeek! Creepy!
There's nothing quite like the sensation of being reminded that there's er, someone else there, midway through events. It's like when one of the puppies sneaks in and you suddenly get that feeling that it's not just you and your partner in the room anymore ...
Anyway, I feel like everyone - including all the pregnancy websites - tells you to 'bank up' our special time together, because soon enough it'll become too hard/painful/uncomfortable/effort-filled, and after all that, we'll have a newborn to deal with.
Of course it pays to remember that every woman's pregnancy is different; some lose their libido completely, some turn into total hornbags. The joy of the effect of hormones on the body!
Some, like me, swing wildly between both, depending on my emotional state (which can vary throughout the day, or even hour).
Overall though, it's about ensuring you and your partner are both talking about what's going on.
A mismatch of sexual expectation can be a huge issue in a relationship, and most of the time a simple conversation about what each would like their sex life to look like would fix any misgivings.
I think a need to think outside the box is also required.
Most pregnancy sites offer advice on positions that can be the most comfortable as you near your full size.
If nothing else, they make for amusing reading - I can only imagine the laughing fits that I'll find myself in further down the track as we attempt to give them a whirl ...
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