10 steps to thinking positive

Turn negative thoughts on their head and feel the health and wellbeing benefits today.

A recent US survey found that 97 percent of women are more willing to think and speak negatively about themselves than they are to give a positive spin. Yet negative thoughts damage our self-esteem says Dr Sarah Edelman, a Sydney-based psychologist and author of Change Your Thinking (ABC Books, 2006).

"If you feel badly about yourself you're at greater risk of being depressed and dissatisfied with your life, and it can affect the quality of your relationships," she says.

It can also affect you physically – a Canadian study shows that negative body image increases your risk of high blood pressure, stress and other health conditions.

Fortunately, it is possible to turn negative thoughts around says Dr Edelman. Here's how:

Acknowledge the problem
Many of us don't realise how frequently we put ourselves down. "Observe your own self-talk and catch yourself out," says Dr Edelman. Try looking in the mirror. If your first thought is negative: "I'm too fat/old/plain," just say "Stop!" and brush it away. If you wouldn't say it to others, don't say it to yourself.

Acknowledge the source
Most of our self-doubt does not come from within says Dr Edelman. "Today, we're constantly being bombarded with messages about how we should look, how we should be perfect mothers, have great relationships. It's very easy to feel inadequate." Be conscious of those messages but don't buy into them.

Surround yourself in smiles
If looking at photos of loved ones or favourite holidays leave you feeling good about yourself, splash those pictures about! Studies confirm that seeing pictures of our children smiling boosts mood and wellbeing.

It's unfair to compare
"We all have different strengths and weaknesses, different biological resources and family environments," says Dr Edelman. "It's unrealistic to expect to achieve the same things as people on TV or our peers. Comparing ourselves with others is a very unhealthy habit, so catch yourself comparing and try to stop it."

Practise self-acceptance
Beating yourself up about your weaknesses, be it body type or bank balance, also doesn't help she says. "Learn to practise self-acceptance: 'Okay this is not ideal but it is part of my life and I can accept it and get on with my life in a positive way.'"

Immerse yourself in nature
US research shows that simply looking at a vase of flowers can boost positive thoughts first thing in the morning, while The Finnish Forest Research Institute found that natural, green settings can improve moods, reduce anger and boost happiness.

Start a 'Strengths Register'
Focus on your strengths and list them in a journal or on the fridge. "We tend to be drawn to evidence that we don't measure up but ignore the positives," says Dr Edelman. Are you a loving mum or successful at work? Do you have a warm smile? Write it all down, then update your list regularly. "It needs to be constantly reinforced to make a difference."

Build supportive relationships
We're more likely to feel good about ourselves when we're surrounded by people who value and support us. "It's important to cull relationships that make us feel inadequate," says Dr Edelman. The key is authenticity. "Be who you are and don't try to be a people-pleaser because that just reinforces your sense of not being good enough."

Join Facebook
A recent Cornell University study shows that Facebook can have a positive influence on our self-esteem because we choose what we reveal about ourselves and filter the negative stuff. Public feedback from our Facebook friends also boosts self-esteem. Just choose your friends wisely.
Get active
People who exercise regularly report fewer harsh thoughts than those who sloth about according to a US survey. That's because exercise boosts the production of the feel-good hormone serotonin says Sydney-based psychologist and yoga teacher Melissa Podmore. "If our serotonin is low we're more likely to be depressed."


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